


You can't stop being the rose bride, can you?

by wlwutena



Series: The moment my heart met yours [1]
Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Angst, F/F, im a bad writer, implied akio/utena, lesbian utena with loads of comphet and self hatred, rewrite of a couple canon scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 17:32:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15369696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwutena/pseuds/wlwutena
Summary: The moment Utena Tenjou realized she loved Anthy Himemiya, whether she liked it or not.





	You can't stop being the rose bride, can you?

“Even on that night, you still didn’t take off your ring.” Akio mused, playing with Utena’s hand.

Utena hesitated, peering at the ring she’d worn for years. She thought about how to respond to his observation.. And like on many other occasions, she found herself travelling back to one moment in particular.

\---

“I can’t stand people who don’t care for themselves!”

The words stung in her memory and left a bitter taste in her mouth. How could she have said that to Himemiya? Her dearest friend. It was distasteful to criticize her like that. Himemiya didn’t know any better. 

Utena sat in their shared dorm wondering what she should have done differently. Himemiya still hadn’t come home. Utena figured she must be avoiding her after the blow-up. Should she have kept her mouth shut? Maybe so, Utena excelled in being nosy and blunt and stubborn. The thoughts and self-blame raced through her head till she couldn’t take it anymore. She did her best to block them out.

“Friends with problems, huh?” she mused to herself again, “I think if I told Himemiya to visit that seminar she’d just feel bad again.” 

The pinkette sighed, resting her head on their tea-table pathetically. Her eyes began to feel drowsy and her lids fell over.

There it was, the same nightmare again. Her parents and the coffins and the boys at the church. It went by in a flash of an eye and soon enough she forgot it all over again. She opened her blue eyes sluggishly, wiping off the remnants of her dream. Hours must have passed, the room was dark and she felt a familiar warm presence.

She came back.

Utena smiled, her eyes trailing to the soft hand which covered her own, then to the girl it belonged to. Something swelled up in her chest, a feeling of relief, satisfaction and comfort. It felt familiar but new all the same. She slowly turned her hand around, careful not to disturb her friend. 

She saw her in that moment, slow breathing, fly-away violet hairs illuminated by the blue hue of the room. She could almost imagine her adorned by roses with spotlight shining down on her. She could picture her with her hair down and blowing in the wind. She could feel her heart in her ears and she could imagine the disappointment her prince would have in her.

A girl-prince is still a girl, right? She can’t like a princess. It’s not normal.

“You really can’t stop being the rose bride, can you?” Utena said aloud. She said it to feel better about herself. To pretend she hadn’t just turned around her hand. To pretend she wasn’t smiling endearingly at her ??? what was she to her. Friend? Crush? The love of her life? 

She loved Himemiya. But she decided she’d push it deep into her subconscious and never entertain the thought again.

But she did. She thought of it over and over, and no matter how many times she kissed him, she couldn’t help but feel wrong. It was a guilt she associated with Himemiya. Then she’d felt guilt on top of guilt, for thinking about Himemiya instead of the prince. She wished she could stop thinking forever.

\---

“I think I want to be faithful to him.” she lied through her teeth, pushing the self-hatred away.

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on writing an accompanying fic to this about when Anthy first realized she loved Utena. This is really REALLY specific to my personal headcanons, so please don't fret if you see anything different than I do. I hope to write a lot more RGU fics that are 1000% more original than this, but inspiration comes when it comes. I hope you enjoy this weird angsty nonsense.


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